Wednesday, July 31, 2013

top 5's from pre-ulpan

During orientation, preulpan was asked to lead a portion of the oneg shabbat. We decided to impart our wisdom from living in Jerusalem for a month on our classmates:

The Top 5 Things We Learned in Pre-Ulpan
1. There is a rule for everything in Hebrew, but it only applies 60% of the time.
2. If you would like to know more about Dr. Ticho’s house, life in Meah Shearim, or the Dead Sea Scrolls, please see a pre-ulpan-ner.
3. It’s easier to just show your watch to someone than to try and tell them the exact time in Hebrew.
4. During your 30 minute break, you CAN make it to Mamilla and back with a new skirt, Tums, lotion, and Aroma ice kafeh.
5. According to your ulpan book, there are only 5 names in all of Israel: Yossi, Ruti, Danny, Dinah, and Rinah.

The Top 5 Guessing Games to Play in Israel
1. Baby screaming or stray cat?
2. Wig or awesome hairdo?
3. Am I allergic to this?
4. Car alarm or traffic jam?
5. Gunshots or fireworks?

Top 5 Things to Remember During Emergency Situations in Israel
1. Drain-O is sold at most supermarkets and corner stores.
2. Empty fridge on Shabbat? Want bacon? Craving cheeseburgers? It’s all on either Hillel or Shammai.
3. Everything will always break at 4pm on Friday. And no, there isn’t anyone available to come out and fix it.
4. When that happens, frantically call Nancy 4 times and then call Keith Eiser.
5. There is no such thing as an emergency to Israelis.

Top 5 Things We Will Miss From the US/Canada
1. Good, non-instant coffee.
2. Having a car.
3. One-stop shopping.
4. Hot water in the morning.
5. Mexican food.

Top 5 Fun Facts About the HUC Jerusalem Campus
1. The fountains only run when important people are on campus (and for the record, they ran for ALL of pre-ulpan).
2. The wineglass in the 101-102 bathroom has been there since June 1.
3. Ben Sira is not only the closest chummus to campus, but also the best.
4. If you don’t have time to take a shower in the morning, the guy in the courtyard with the power washer will be happy to give you a shower for 10 shekels.
5. SOMEONE has a gate key. Please identify yourself.

Top 5 Things The Stranger at Your Apartment Door is Looking For
1. Money. Tzedakah, Vaad Bayit, money.
2. Looking for the people who lived there 15 years ago.
3. To fix something you never realized was broken.
4. Asking you to tone down the rowdy bentsching on Shabbat.
5. Money.

Top 5 Things Only Americans Do in Israel
1.  Say “slicha”
2. Tip the cabbie.
3. Wait in line.
4. Take coffee to go.
5. Wait forever at a restaurant, expecting someone to deliver the check.

Top 5 Things to Know About Israeli Food
1. Idaho is far away from Israel, so potatoes are not brown.
2. Cucumbers are the lettuce of Israel.
3. You can buy your weight in tomatoes for 15 shekels, but in order to buy a single steak, you’ll need to dip into your student loans.
4. Chummus is a sauce, a side dish, a main course, and can also be used as a burn ointment.
5. If you haven’t been to Marzipan bakery, there will be a hold put on your registration until the situation is remedied.

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